end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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