Your face is a jimmy john
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize