I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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