There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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