i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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