We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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