You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
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Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
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Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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