Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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