Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize