so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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