My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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