K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
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I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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