I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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