Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
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so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
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And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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