look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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