So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize