I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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