You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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