what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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