cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize