She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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