My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
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Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
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It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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