my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just want nice things and good sex
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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