Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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