Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
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I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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