My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
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I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The uberlube is also flammable
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If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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