Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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