I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
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Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
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Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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