Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Pooping to opera.
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