dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
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so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
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sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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