I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize