I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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