census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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