dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize