I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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