Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize