When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
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