we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize