Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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