youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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