shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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