So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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