I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
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I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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