Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
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She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
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the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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