she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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