every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
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I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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