You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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