I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
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she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
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I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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