if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
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casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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