ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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